Yes, it’s Day 28 of the 90 Days of Awesome, but I have to be honest: today has not been awesome. There were a few awesome moments – like I got an awesome haircut and I saw an awesome sign at a crosswalk in Tempe – but overall, today was a struggle.
This really shouldn’t come as a surprise. Even people with few problems and who are completely healthy have less than stellar days. As a person who is in recovery and dealing with multiple disorders and issues, having rough days is par for the course.
I have been feeling excessively irritable, angry, and sad lately. Even though I can usually manage the feelings in the moment, I’ve been getting progressively worse, never able to fully dial my discomfort back to zero. Thankfully, I’ve been able to manage myself without taking my feelings out on other people – especially unsuspecting and undeserving targets.
I fully admit that my modus operandi is escapism – anything to escape the uncomfortable feelings or situation I find myself in. This doesn’t lead me to make the healthiest decisions at times, though I’m leaps and bounds better than what I used to be like. But I had a setback and one of those unhealthy moments today. (Don’t worry, my sobriety is still intact.)
Recently, I have been encouraged to engage in more self-care and meditation – two things I generally suck at. My teammates and coaches can attest that my version of self-care when I was injured was taping my bad feet, putting heat wraps on my shin splints and stress fractured back, and popping ibuprofen like candy before working out. I’m learning I can’t muscle through emotional discomfort. Making myself sit or lay quietly and listen to music seems to help.
So what’s my plan for this week? My plan is to make my life as simple as possible by focusing on sleep, healthy diet, moderate exercise, doing one work task at a time, and avoiding superfluous people, places, and things that cause stress.
In case you missed it: Day 27 of the 90 Days of Awesome – Biking my Errands!