It’s Day 37 of theÂ 90 Days of Awesome, but to be honest, today didn’t feel awesome. When I thought about writing this post, my mind went blank when I tried to recall what made today awesome.
There was nothing particularly bad about today. There were plenty of things that made me happy in the moment â€“ client work, standing desk, dictation software, writing two blog posts, submitting a proposal to speak at a conference â€“ but I felt like today was more of a day rather than an awesome day.
I noticed I’m more irritable than usual, which can be a slippery slope from me. I hate when I get easily annoyed at stupid stuff. If I ask the question, â€œWhat the fuck is wrong with me?,â€ I know the simple answer is along the lines of, â€œYou’re a trauma survivor,â€ or â€œYou’re an addict.â€ Those answers feel glib tonight, though I suspect Occam’s Razor would agree with that.
Being in recovery has taught me that when I’m on and comfortable, it’s best to HALT. â€œHALTâ€ stands for hungry, angry/anxious, lonely, and tired â€“ four keep triggers for addicts. So let’s apply it:
- Am I hungry? No. On the contrary, my stomach hurts.
- Am I angry? More irritable than angry.
- Am I anxious? Always.
- Am I lonely? A bit. However, I won’t let most people near me right now. No offense, but most of you annoy me too much.
- Am I tired? Yes. I’ve had crap sleep for the last two nights.
So now what? I got to go to bed. Hopefully a good night’s sleep will help me have an awesome day tomorrow.
In case you missed it: Day 36 of the 90 Days of Awesome â€“ Sitting Second Chair in a Courtroom!