The

Undeniable

Ruth

®

…and the Ruth shall set you free!

  • New Adventure – New Bike

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    Ruth Carter

    As part of my goal of being more active this summer, I bought a bike last week.  Debbie at Tempe Bicycle was wonderful with me.  When I walked into the shop and she asked what kind of bike I was looking for, I said, “Simple.”  I haven’t owned a bike in about fifteen years.  I just wanted something that I could easily ride to the store, the farmer’s market, the library, and along the canal.

    Critical Mass SF July
    Image by judemat via Flickr

    We started with a “cruiser” bike.  It was cute, but riding it made me feel like Miss Gulch from the Wizard of Oz.  The handlebars were too wide set for my petite frame.  When I walked into the store, I didn’t think the brake style mattered, but I soon realized that hand brakes were a necessity.

    The next bike I tried was a 21-speed mountain bike.  When she first showed it to me, I thought, “What do I need 21  speeds for?”  It was a good bike, but too fancy for me needs.

    Then Debbie’s eyes lit up and said, “I’ve got the bike for you” and she rolled out another mountain bike.  It reminded me of Say Yes to the Dress when the consultant has an epiphany about what dress would be perfect for her bride.  It was a white 7-speed Haro Heartland bike, with a wide cushy seat for my bony butt.  I took it for a ride around the parking lot and I was in heaven.  When I came back into the shop Debbie asked what I thought, and I said, “I never thought I’d fall in love with a white bike.”  For some reason, I predicted my bike would be purple.

    Tempe Bicycle and Debbie made sure I had everything I needed in terms of a good lock, wiring my seat to my frame so it can’t be easily stolen, a cord to lock my front tire to the back tire, and a good helmet.  I know drivers in Phoenix don’t see runners and rollerbladers.  I don’t expect them to notice me on my bike.

    I’ve been on two bike rides so far – one to the store and one to church – almost 20 miles in all.  I’ve noticed that riding makes me feel like I’m more connected to my community and neighborhood.  Instead of being in my enclosed, music-filled car, I get to see, feel, hear, and smell my surroundings.  I notice the little things like whether a property owner keeps their vegetation cut back so it’s not encroaching on the sidewalk (note to owners: please trim your plants), what A-frame signs are in my path announcing yard sales, and what streets have a designated bike lane (thank you 15th Ave.).

    I hope my bike becomes a primary mode of transportation for me.  Besides making me feel like I’m doing something good for myself physically, I’ve experienced an unexpected sensation of freedom when I’m riding.  I feel like it’s my break from the rat race and a respite from my cell phone and laptop.

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  • Adventures in Baseball – Tortured by Singing Children

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    Ruth Carter

    On March 20th, I auditioned to be a national anthem singer for the AZ Diamondbacks Major League Baseball Team.  I’ve been a singer for 15 years and I was picked to be one of their singers in 2005 and 2006.  The announcer who was running the show at the auditions said that they expected to have 400-500 people and groups audition for the 60-something home games this season.

    Intérieur du Chase Field
    Image via Wikipedia

    There were some really talented people at auditions.  I wasn’t surprised when I got the email that said that I wasn’t selected for this season.  I don’t mind when others are selected above me as long as they are better than me.

    One of my pet peeves is singing children.  It is a rare child who can sing well.  I was annoyed last year when I heard that a nursery school class was selected to sing at the Diamondbacks game.  My guess was the team picked them because they would come to the game with their parents and siblings, and spent lots of money on tickets, hotdogs, and beer.

    I went to the Diamondbacks vs. Pirates game on April 11th with my parents and they did it again.  As I was looking down on the field during the pregame, I saw a large group of small children gathering near the backstop behind home plate.  They looked like they were about 4 years old.  They sang the national anthem and they were absolutely dreadful.  They couldn’t sing a single note on key and we could hardly hear them.  Mom and I drowned out the sound by singing the song ourselves.  We got a lot of thankful grins from people standing near us.

    After the national anthem was over, I was annoyed.  This group of horrible nonsingers was chosen over other talented performers.  If the team wanted to feature child singers this year, that’s fine.  There were enough talented child singers at the anthem auditions that the team didn’t have to use these nursery school kids.  One fan sitting near me said it was a “disgraceful.”

    There was a big sign in the stadium that said, “Report Guest Conduct Issues by Texting “DBACKS”<space>location & issue to 69050.  Given the atrociousness of the performance, I thought it was appropriate to notify the stadium about it.  I sent a text that said, “Dbacks home plate singing kids were terrible.  Please don’t do it again.”

    The response text I received said, “We’ve recorded your number & ask you only text again for legitimate issues.  You’ll be blocked if another fraudulent message is received.  Thank you!”

    I also sent an email to the team on the Diamondbacks website.  If we’re going to call baseball America’s favorite pastime, they should at least get the anthem right.

    The rest of the game was awesome. The Dbacks beat the Pirates 15-6 with 13 runs scored by the Dbacks in one inning.  Go Dbacks!

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  • Is That Legal – Improv AZ Coroner Prank #2

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    Ruth Carter

    Disclaimer: I am not a lawyer.  I am a law student.  In accordance with ABA policy, this blog should not be viewed as legal advice.  It is simply my experiences, opinions, and stuff I looked up on the internet.

    Last week the Improv AZ crew decided to revise their world –famous coroner prank, only this time instead of having four people in “coroner” shirts carry a stuffed body bag on the light rail, we took it for a walk through Chandler mall.

    We were hoping to raise a lot of eyebrows and get a lot of double takes and surprised stares of disbelief.  We succeeded in that, but we also spent just enough time in the building to get the attention of mall security.  Not wanting to cause any trouble, we offered to leave.  They refused our offer and called Chandler Police instead.  A mall cop claimed we committed “a dozen felonies.”  The real cop said we could have been charged with disorderly conduct.  In the end, they let us go with a warning and the mall cops banned us from Chandler mall for three months.

    Of course as the group’s CLS, I did my usual research before doing this prank, and after our run in with the law, I rechecked everything.

    What can mall cops really do?

    Mall cops are citizens and can only make citizen arrests.  If they are an agent of the property owner, they can ask people to leave and call law enforcement to arrest them for trespassing if the patrons don’t comply.

    Did we commit trespassing?

    I don’t think so.  Shopping malls open themselves up for members of the public to enter and shop.  We are, in legalese, “invitees.”  If we had been asked to leave by a property owner or their agent and then refused to go, then we would have been trespassing.

    Were we illegally impersonating a government official?

    The way Arizona law is written, we would have to pretend to be a public servant and engage in conduct “with the intent to induce another to submit to [our] pretended official authority or to rely upon [our] pretended official acts” to be charged with impersonation.  We did nothing to assert our authority against any mall patrons or anyone else.

    A mall cop tried to tell us that our fake coroner badges made us guilty of a felony, but anyone looking closely at them would have seen that they were made with someone’s laminator at home.  Our badges had our pictures – mine was my Twitter avatar – and the words “Coroner” and “All Access Pass.”  The mall cop took our badges from us and turned them over to the Chandler police officer.  After looking at them briefly, he gave them back to us.

    FYI – Arizona doesn’t have coroners.  It has medical examiners.

    Did we commit disorderly conduct?

    I think that’s a stretch at best.  Arizona law defines disorderly conduct as engaging in certain behavior “with the intent to disturb the peace or quiet of a neighborhood, family, or person or with the knowledge of doing so.”  The only behavior they could have tried to pin on us was “fighting, violent or seriously disruptive behavior.”   Our conduct could have been considered disruptive, but probably not deserving of being in the same category as violent behavior.  The other behaviors on the list for disorderly conduct didn’t seem to apply since we weren’t making noise, using offensive language, carrying weapons, or preventing business transactions from occurring.

    Could the mall cops make our camera guy prove he’d erased the footage he shot with his phone?

    Mall cops are just civilians so they probably don’t have that authority.  Real cops, however, can search your phone if it’s related to an arrest.  Otherwise, it looks like they’d a search warrant.

    Is it illegal to walk around with a fake dead body?

    I looked through Arizona statutes and didn’t find any laws against having fake dead body.  I find out about some of the things you can’t do with an actual dead body:

    • You can’t move a dead human body with the hopes of abandoning or concealing it.
    • You can’t move a dead body from its grave without authority of law.
    • You can’t steal stuff off or from a dead body.
    • You can’t have sex with a dead body.

    For now the four coroners are banned from Chandler mall.  The mall cop gave each of us a card with the Chandler mall code of conduct on it.  I’d share this list with you (it’s pretty funny) but it’s too long, and surprisingly, Chandler mall doesn’t have it available on their website.

    Related Articles:
    Official Improv AZ Blog: When Mall Cops Swarm – The Coroner Prank #2
    Video: Improv AZ – Coroner Prank 2, “Bob Goes To The Mall”