I spent last week in New York attending the Shankminds Breakthrough event where I got to step back and focus on my business and what I’m doing for the next six months. It was wonderful to get to spend time with my east coast and Shankminds friends.
The day after I got back from New York, I noticed I brought something extra home with me: a cold.
Look who I found in New York
I woke up on Saturday morning feeling like crud. When I realized I was sick, my first thought was, “Steve says he’s sorry you feel like shit.†I shook my head and smiled. That’s the line that taught me that laughter heals.
When I was a freshman in high school, I got a horrible cold over winter break. For days, all I could do was lay in front of the fireplace and cry silent tears that left wet spots on the flower-patterned throw pillows.
Originally my sister’s friend, Steve, was going to come over to hang out one day during the break. Steve was a character. He was a senior when I was a freshman, and he seemed like a nice guy, but he also would do lighthearted bonehead things like get a mouthful of water from the drinking fountain, count of five in his head, and if a freshman walked by when he hit “five,†he’d spit it on them. (Or so I was told, I never saw him do it.) Steve had a gift for calling the house right as I was falling asleep at night, making the hot pink neon light in my phone startle me awake. (It was 1993. Everyone didn’t have a cell phone back then. If you wanted to talk to someone, you had to call their house.)
I was so sick that my mom declared that we shouldn’t have visitors to the house. After my sister called Steve to cancel their plans, she walked through the den and said, “Steve says he’s sorry you feel like shit.â€
That was such a Steve thing to say.
I laughed weakly.
But then I started feeling better.
I’m sure I was on the mend, letting the virus run its course, blah blah blah, but having that moment of laughter eased my discomfort a bit.
So now whenever I’m sick, or feel like I’m about to get sick, I try to watch and listen to things that make me laugh between naps. This past Saturday, I was in bed for over ten hours. My body ached, and my head throbbed. I was too drained to do anything, but not quite tired enough to sleep, so I listened to Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me and Ask Me Another via Google Home. They made me smile as I dozed in and out of consciousness.
Ever since I learned about the concussion risk associated with American football, I can’t in good conscience support the sport. Not only do these athletes risk their lives during the game, they risk serious brain injury, Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy (CTE) and the associated problems that can afflict them for the rest of their often too-short lives. It’s devastating to learn about the players to fall into drug addiction and/or attempt suicide.
Rams Football Field by Miss Wetzel’s Art Class from Flickr (Creative Commons License)
The more I learn about the CTE and the widespread risk players seem to take, I feel like football is modern-day bullfighting. We watch players accept the substantial risk that participating in the sport will kill them, and this sport exists simply as entertainment. It’s a money-making scheme for the owners, the coaches, and hopefully the players. I suspect those in power have little regard for players once they are no longer contributing to the team’s winning record.
Although I have serious problems with this sport, it seems like a majority of fans are unfazed by disclosure of information about CTE. I kicked a simple anonymous survey to my football-loving friends to try to understand their perspective.
Out of the 30 people who responded to my questions, all of them knew that CTE is a problem facing NFL players. Eighty percent (24/30) knew about the research on the 111 NFL players brains that were tested for CTE – 110 of them were found to have it.
I asked my friends, “How do you feel about watching and loving a sport where it appears that every player except the kicker is likely getting brain damage while they’re playing the game and associated problems after they retire?” Many of them responded that professional players are adults who freely accept this risk (hopefully with full disclosure of the health consequences), just like people who choose to smoke, drive, or participate in other dangerous professions. Others said this situation bothers them and they will likely watch fewer games.
I also asked my friends, “What are your thoughts about players like John Urschel and A.J. Tarpley who retire early to preserve their health?” The overwhelming response was positive. They said these players were “smart” and that they “respect,” “applaud,” and “support” their decisions. One friend responded that these players, “made the best decision for themselves” because they suspected their “long-term financial success was going to be outside football.” Another friend said, “I think it is a great statement to others about the dangers of this sport.”
A friend pointed out a flaw in my questions. Since CTE currently can only be diagnosed post-mortem, we only know about the data in players who have had their brains examined. A lot more than 111 people have played professional football, so the information about how widespread this problem is among current players is speculative.
And I don’t disagree that football is fun – at least flag football – and many players professional and not, love this sport. I suspect most of them started as children, and participation gave them friends, heartwarming memories, and for some, academic and professional opportunities that they would not have had otherwise. With child athletes, it’s up to the parents to decide what activities their kids will do. Note: I’m not saying you’re a bad parent if you let your kid play football. I just hope you make educated decisions about what league they play in and what safety precautions are required. As a former gymnast, I can say when you fall in love with a sport so young, it’s hard to give it up, even when it’s in your best interest.
While others are getting excited for the upcoming Super Bowl, I cringe at the thought of players risking their lives for our entertainment. I don’t watch the game, and it makes me want to ask the sponsors and companies that run ads: “How can you feel good about making money off these players’ lives?”
2016 was bad. I felt as if that year couldn’t end soon enough.  But it’s as if 2017 started the year saying, “Hold my beer†and it went downhill from there. I had a lot of challenges this year including reconstruction at Castle Carter after my condo flooded, death of my childhood coach, being in a car accident, studying for the California bar exam, and processing my gender identity.
My jar of happy memories
Thankfully, I started a new tradition of keeping a jar next to my bed where I wrote notes about things that happened in my life that made me happy or giggle. Even on bad days, I could look over at my jar that was filling with notes and be reminded that life doesn’t suck all the time. It was a joy to go through them while I wrote this post. Here are my top 5 events/activities from 2017:
Me and my skateboard
1. I got a Skateboard at CMWorld Content Marketing World always does an excellent job taking care of its speakers. I look forward to this conference every year and I’m proud to be part of Team Orange. When they announced that Casey Neistat would be one of the keynote speakers, I started tweeting at them that I wanted an orange skateboard as my speaker gift. (They usually get us each a wireless mouse/laser pointer.) Shortly after I checked into my hotel room, the hotel dropped off a big box for me. It was a mini orange skateboard! I love this thing, not just because it’s awesome, but because it made me feel like part of the CMWorld family. Once I finish my marathon in 2018, I’m going to take a skateboarding lesson and learn how to ride it properly.
I love this tattoo
2. “Don’t Be What They Made You†Tattoo
I saw Logan in the theater. When I heard this line, I instantly knew I wanted it tattooed on my wrist. A few months later, Hollis at Iconic Tattoo made it a reality. This is a daily reminder and inspiration for me.
3. “But I’m still your Tranpaâ€
Accepting that I’m non-binary made me feel like I was a baby queer all over again. I felt especially vulnerable a few months ago and sent an email to trans entertainer and advocate Buck Angel, just an open invitation for lunch the next time he’s in Phoenix. He responded and signed it “Tranpa.†I wrote back and said, age-wise, we’re more like cousins. (We’re only about 7 years apart.) He responded, “Hahaa but I’m still your Tranpa ❤️.â€
This warmed my heart. It matters to talk to people who “get it.†Buck is someone I reach out to when I experience dysmorphia or feel like I live in a world that wasn’t made for me.
Still smiling after running 20 miles – and rocking some mad hair
4. Running with David
I’m training for the Rock ‘n’ Roll Arizona Marathon 2018. After getting a DNF at my last marathon attempt, I decided to hire a coach, David Roher. He lives on the east coast, so we communicate over email, text, and phone. He gives me my assignments and tracks my workouts via Strava, plus we talk about nutrition, stretching, injuries, and life in general.
David always has a word of encouragement when I need it – often to remind me that I have the ability to do any assignment he gives me and not to push myself too hard. When I finished my 20-mile training run a few weeks ago, I was pleased with my pace and by how good I felt at the end of it.
5. Ethics and Ice Cream
I had a flash of brilliance at the beginning of August to do a continuing legal education seminar looking at what Arizona lawyers were being disciplined for during the last few years to look for patterns and commonalities. I pitched the idea to do this for ASU CLE and call it “Ethics and Ice Cream.†They loved it and we scheduled the event for about a month later. I recruited fellow lawyer and comedian, Matt Storrs, and we reviewed all the Lawyer Regulation reports since 2015 and pulled off a successful event.
This event made this list, not because I created a CLE, but because I put this idea into action and made it work.
As I read all the notes in my jar, I noticed there were at least six notes that mentioned hugs or being the “little spoon.†Besides giving me a warm fuzzy trip down memory lane, these notes reminded me how important the people in my life are to me.
Firsts in 2017
Flying in/out of a city in one day (for Ungagged Las Vegas)
Standing ovation for singing “O Holy Night†at the Community Church of Hope Christmas Show Love and Complements Rally
Interview on The Out House Podcast
Foods: Almond butter (meh), Vegan gourmet shreds (cheese-like, not bad), Cashew milk ice cream (best non-dairy ice cream), Almond milk yogurt (not food), Cashew yogurt (not food), Pumpkin seeds (so good), Spirulina (meh)
Events: ICON, Law Launcher, TBD Law, BlogHer
Minions make me smile
Celebrity Sightings
Tom Green
Joseph Gordon Levitt
Chris Guillebeau
Casey Neistat
Paul Risser
Minions
In Memoriam
George Seivert
Don Rickles
Andrea Esquer
Laurel Graver
Dorian Kreiling
