Yesterday, my coach asked me how I manage my stress. I instantly responded:
That’s actually not true all the time. When I feel solid and secure, I can be so confident it’s uncanny.
I know that feeling.
I’ve felt that feeling.
Just not lately.
Always Been High Strung
My standard response when someone asks me how I handle stress is, â€œNot gracefully.â€ Usually, I find a way to muddle through, but it’s not pretty. I’ve been living with anxiety since I was a wee one â€“ like before age 10.
For as long as I can remember, my modus operandi has been to have a plan for escape â€“ physically, emotionally, and/or chemically. A lot of my -isms (alcohol, drugs, eating disorders, and self-injury) were ways to self-medicate. When I got into recovery and took away those vices, I still had to deal with my emotions and life’s challenges.
Here are some of the things I do lately to manage my stress.
Starting in gymnastics and now as a triathlete, I workout 5-6 days per week. Working out gives my brain an endorphin boost it needs, and it gives me a break from the rest of my life. There’s not much I can do while I’m in the pool except swim.
It also gives me a safe way to vent emotions. The day after I got my California Bar Exam results (I failed), my coach had assigned a 17-mile run. I ran one of my fastest paces to date and I got flash of inspiration about how I was going to tell my friends. Pounding pavement for those hours gave me the much-needed break I needed.
Sweat keeps me sane.
My life is managed with lists:
- Weekly to-do lists â€“ x2
- Daily to-do list â€“ on my whiteboard
- Medication checklists â€“ one for the hooman, one for the hound
- Workout checklist
- Program checklist
If I didn’t have my lists, I’d never keep track of who took which medication or whether I did everything I needed to do on any given day. My stress is related to anxiety and depression, both of which make me forgetful.
My lists also give me a semblance of control over what I’m doing, which is reassuring since lately I’ve been feeling out of control. There are days I wish I could emotionlessly work through my lists without dealing with my feelings. Thankfully, I have loving people around me who remind me that I’m not a robot.
I’ll be the first to admit that I’m an avoidant and an introvert. I’m not a fan of people in general, particularly in crowds or places with a lot of noise. However, I selectively like individuals. These are the people I want to spend time with, and from whom I’ll ask for help. It’s so reassuring to be around and/or text with people I love. They get me.
Every year, I have my jar on my nightstand and I add happy memories to it throughout the year, and then on New Year’s Eve, I read through them. One thing I noticed when I reviewed the memories from 2019, was that a lot of them had to do with hugging people.
Hugs keep me sane too.
On rare occasions, my stress gets so bad that I emotionally crash and burn. I panic to the point where I have trouble focusing and I can barely eat. (That’s how I managed to drop 10 pounds in law school.) When my appetite drops out, that’s my tell that I need to take swift deliberate steps to counteract my stress.
Sometimes the best thing I can do when stress hits hard is sleep. When I’m asleep, it means my muscles are relaxing and I’m taking deep breathes â€“ two things I need when I’m stressed. (A friend recently suggested I add massage to my self-care routine, probably for the same reason.)
Stress is exhausting.
An hour-long nap can make a world of difference.