The

Undeniable

Ruth

®

…and the Ruth shall set you free!

  • Undeniable Recap of 2024

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    Ruth Carter

    It was a busy year with lots of ups and downs. In case you didn’t know, I keep a Word doc going all year and add to it as pertinent events happen. It gives me a richer perspective as I look back on the year, and I’m glad I get to share it with you. Here are some of my top events from 2024, in no particular order:

    PR at Mesa Marathon: 4:03:33

    When I started running marathons, my goal was just to finish. I didn’t care how long it took me to cross the finish line – but then the Boston Marathon added a non-binary division in 2023.

    Previously, I thought the qualifying times for Boston were too fast for me to have a chance, but this motivated me to try for it. In 2023, I finished in 4:22:59, cutting about 11 minutes off my previous personal record. For 2024, my goal was to finish in under 4:20, and my super lofty goal was to finish in under 4:05. (I need to finish in under 3:50 to qualify for Boston.)

    It was rainy and cold on race day. When I started the Mesa Marathon, I couldn’t feel my feet. Somewhere in the middle, I couldn’t feel my hands. I was shocked when I finished in 4:03.

    Besides my amazing finishing time, the other highlight of the day was my friend Randy Walters holding a sign for me around Mile 16. I was so touched, I almost cried.

    (I know watching other people race can be so boring, but being there means so much to the athletes.)

    Hanging Out with PJ

    This might be the best night of the entire year. I met PJ online in 2022, through an Ironman Facebook group. He stood up for me when others gave me a hard time when I asked if any other non-binary athletes were doing IM Lake Placid that year. We finally got to meet in person this year, when he came to Lake Placid to watch me race and do some training himself because he had his Ironman in Wisconsin on the horizon.

    My favorite memory with PJ was the night before the race. We were in my hotel room, sitting side by side on my bed, eating dinner, and talking. Nothing fancy – just two friends connecting.

    Bonus memory with PJ came the next day when he ran onto the course when I had about 2.5 miles to go and made a video with me – at least until the race official made him go back to the sideline.

    PR at IM Lake Placid: 15:00:33

    Ironman is a brutal race: 2.4-mile swim, 112-mile bike, 26.2-mile run. Lake Placid, New York, is gorgeous, but it has so many hills – helpful on the way down, brutal on the way back up.

    I took 21+ minutes off my finish time from Ironman Lake Placid 2022. Most of this was on the bike. Even though the course had more elevation this year, I still finished faster finish time.

    The crazy part about it was how well I did because I felt so depleted during the race. Ironman changed the sports drink it offered on the course from Gatorade to Mortal Hydration, something I’d never heard of. I thought it would be ok, and it wasn’t. When I crossed the finish line, the volunteer who “caught” me asked, “Are you ok?”

    “How bad do I look?,” I responded weakly. I could barely hold my head up.

    Shortly after that, I went to the medical tent where they had an impressive field hospital. The volunteers helped me lower down to one of the vintage jelly tube folding chaises they were using for cots and covered me with a heavy foil blanket. I was so dehydrated, my blood pressure was only 88/60. I still remember my conversation with the medical staff:

    “Let’s get you a Gatorade.”

    “You have real Gatorade?” My eyes went wide with disbelief and joy.

    The volunteer smiled. “What flavor would you like?”

    “Can I have a red one please?”

    My body was so shut down, I could barely manage sips of it at first, but within 30-ish minutes, my blood pressure was back to normal, and the medical staff released me just after I heard the announcer call Coach David’s name as he crossed the finish line.

    My photographer friend Marc Farb also came up for the race. We did a photoshoot before race day, and he got himself a press pass so he could be on the course during the race. My favorite photo from the race was this one he took a few seconds after I crossed the finish line, and I could finally let myself feel exhausted.

    Photo by Marc Farb

    Finished the Penny Experiment

    I did a year-long experiment, from October 11, 2023 (National Coming Out Day) through October 10, 2024, where I kept track of the times I was misgendered, the times I was correctly addressed, and the instances where I either misgendered someone or assumed someone’s gender. I had a jar for each category, and for each instance, I added a penny to the appropriate jar. I did this to tangibly show what it’s like to be a non-binary person living in a gender binary-centric society. Here were the results:

    Misgendered: 893
    Correctly addressed: 230
    I assumed someone’s gender or misgendered someone: 72

    I was, and for the most part continue to be, misgendered on about a 4:1 basis.

    An unexpected result of this experiment was how people who knew I was doing this experiment became more self-aware about their word choices. It became common to be in a situation where a friend would either correctly address me or inadvertently misgender me, and they’d follow it with, “I get a penny for that.”

    Taking Lucy Jane to Coronado Dog Beach

    I was so happy when Content Marketing World announced that their 2024 conference was going to be in San Diego. At the top of my list of things to do, besides the conference, was taking Lucy Jane to the dog beach. She loved our trip to Rosie’s Dog Beach in 2023.

    No surprise, Lucy Jane loved Coronado Dog Beach. She loves being near the water, as long as she doesn’t have to touch it. Lucy Jane ran up and down the beach, and when she was tired, she plopped herself down on the sand next to me. This photo may not show it, but this trip was filled with joy.

    Lessons Learned (or Re-Learned)

    Some white girls wear bonnets, just like black girls.

    Even if she’s stoned off her ass on trazodone, Lucy Jane will still throw a fit during a nail trim.

    I don’t like loud noises or children.

    If you fart on an airplane during a flight, other people probably won’t hear it because of how noisy everything is.

    You cannot pick up your next bottle of ADHD meds until it’s been at least 28 days after you picked up your last bottle of ADHD meds.

    Lucy isn’t allowed to go to the gym with me if I’m going to be running on the indoor track. She will whine constantly when she can’t see me – and I mean for hours.

    Turn on the volume on your phone when you go to bed so you’ll hear your alarm the next morning.

    If you learn about “breaking news” 12 hours after everyone else, it seems like dramatic, and it’s easier to accept it and move forward. (Biden dropped out of the race and endorsed Harris while I was in the middle of Ironman Lake Placid.)

    Non-binary people are described as having purple shadows.

    If you forget to remove your CO2 cartridges from your bike before putting it on the plane, they will not blow up the plane. They may be perfectly fine when you land at your destination. Also, TSA may not notice your CO2 cartridges, even if they search your bag.

    Don’t put your fingers in Winston the goat’s mouth. He bites.

    I am a better version of myself when I’m properly medicated.

    Lucy Jane likes being an only child.

    Mortal Hydration sucks as a sports drink.

    There’s nothing like seeing a familiar face on the sideline on race day.

    Dogs at airports and pre-race events reduce anxiety and bring joy.

    If you want a particular number on race day, ask for it.

    Trisuits need more pockets.

    If you wear a shirt with Hebrew verbiage across it, people will assume you speak the language.

    Starting the race hand-in-hand with your friends is awesome.

    Barely jogging is still faster than walking.

    Verify that the porto-potty has toilet paper before sitting down.

    Starting Ironman Lake Placid with Coach David and Shlomo

    Firsts

    A stranger committed assault and battery against me. (It was nothing crazy, just a drunk person walking up and purposely bumping into me.)

    Baby goat chewed on my ear. Baby goat chewed on my nose.

    Ellie, the super skittish goat-sheep hybrid, touched my hand!

    I put too much soup in glass jar, and then I put it in the freezer. The jar cracked from top to bottom.

    I picked up a rooster.

    Coach David sent me an emotional support pickle.

    I attended my first Savannah Bananas game!

    A flight attendant asked a plane full of people if there was a doctor or nurse on board.

    My flight was diverted to a closer airport due a passenger’s medical emergency (not mine).

    I bought a kid-leash where both wrist straps fit an adult-size person. (Since I have a tendency to  wander when I’m nervous, I figured it would come in handy during race weekend.)

    While volunteering at Aimee’s Farm Animal Sanctuary, I administered subcutaneous medication to a farm animal, applied diaper rash ointment to pigs’ skin, changed dressings on an animal’s wounds, and gave an intramuscular injection to a pig.

    I attended the Ironman Arizona volunteers’ dinner, something I’d usually skip because unfamiliar people.

    While training for Ironman, I rode my bike up the 11% grade to the top of South Mountain – up by the antennas.

    I swam at the public pool while wearing only bikini bottoms. This is now the only type of swimsuit I own.

    I saw Hamilton on stage at Gammage, and treated myself to a seat in the front row in the balcony so I could see all the choreography.

    Professional comic artist Travis Hanson drew me a portrait of Lucy Jane.

    Portrait by Travis Hanson

    Adulting Merit Badges Earned

    Removed back tire from the bike

    Reinstalled back tire on the bike

    Changed a bike tube without getting a pinch flat – and I have Gatorskin tires on my bike.

    Assembled and filled a fountain pen.

    Disassembled the bike and packed it into the bike bag.

    Flew to Ironman Lake Placid with my bike.

    A colleague was defending a deposition in Texas when his flight was cancelled due to weather. My colleague and I managed to get him home that night on the last flight out, after scrambling to determine his birthdate for his new ticket. Did I mention it was also his birthday? We were determined to get him home.

    In Memoriam

    Hoomans: Jeffrey Mutter, Toby Keith, Richard Lewis, Larry Murphy, Morgan Spurlock, Dr. Ruth Westheimer, Richard Simmons, Bob Newhart, Patti Yasutake, James Darren, James Earl Jones, Dame Maggie Smith, Jeri Taylor, Tony Todd, Jimmy Carter

    Animal Friends: Bentley, Bella, Ra, Oliver, Bertie, Lily, Lulubelle, Penelope, Pumpkin, Giggy, Watson, Bug

  • Undeniable Recap of 2023

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    Ruth Carter

    It’s been an eventful, and often exhausting, year. I learned a lot about what’s important to me and what it means to be true to myself – hopefully more to come with those ideas in 2024!

    Here are my top five events from 2023:

    Top Surgery

    When my eyes fluttered open in the recovery room as my anesthesia was wearing off after top surgery, I looked down at my bandaged chest and thought “Yes!” with a smile. The next morning was even better when my surgeon’s physician assistant cut off the bandages and put me in the binder I had to wear during the initial healing. My chest was flat!

    I’ve felt nothing but happiness and joy in my new body – finally feeling like I have the body I’m supposed to have. One of my goals for 2024 is to share the full story of getting top surgery.

    Ropes Course Day

    After top surgery, I knew I wouldn’t be able to extend my arms above my head for six weeks. To enjoy the full use of my body before then, on the Friday before my surgery, I went to Flagstaff to do the Extreme Adventure Course with my friends, Nicole and Ariel. It was so fun to climb the trees and do the five levels of obstacles for about four hours.

    Taking Lucy Jane to the Beach

    Lucy loves being near the water – as long as she doesn’t have to touch it. I took her to Long Beach for a long weekend so she could experience Rosie’s Dog Beach. She had so much fun running and frolicking along the water’s edge.

    Marathon Personal Record: 4:22:59

    I sign up for races because they motivate me to work out. And they’re fun – in a masochistic kind of way. A marathon is a distance I won’t do on my own. I need the support and excitement of race day to run that far.

    And then the Boston Marathon added a non-binary division. Whereas, my goal before was merely to finish, now I want to be fast enough to qualify for this venerated race. I shaved 11 minutes off my previous personal best this year – still a ways to go before I reach my ultimate goal, but I was excited to see so much improvement.

    Seeing My Friends

    I keep a jar on my bedside table, and every time something good happens, I write it down and add it to the jar. As I reviewed my happy memories from 2023, I saw that the majority of them were times spent with friends – often doing nothing exciting, just hanging out, enjoying each other’s company.

    Even though I’m an introvert, and I need my down time, it’s becoming more obvious how much I enjoy and value staying connected to my friends. Whether it’s the friends I see every week when I volunteer at Aimee’s Farm Animal Sanctuary or the people that I see only a few times a year, you are all important to me.

    Lessons Learned (or Re-learned)

    Don’t put your face between the floor and the bed where your excited dog is likely to try to jump onto the bed through your nose

    Don’t let direct sun hit your healing tattoo that’s covered with “second skin.” It feels like you’re cooking your skin/flesh.

    Barely jogging is noticeably faster than walking.

    The “purple spray” antiseptic used to treat the animal’s minor injuries at the farm sanctuary stains your skin purple.

    Don’t ride your bike in running shorts. Always wear bike shorts. That 2mm of padding makes a big difference!

    There is only one correct way to spell “Chanukah.”

    According to my Garmin, I sleepwalk.

    Firsts

    Non-binary Race – Mesa Marathon

    Spending a night in a hospital (not including when I was born)

    Walking outside without a shirt after top surgery

    Washing a cow

    Finding $5 at the bottom of a pool – 13 feet down

    Bone-conducting headphones

    Walking across a state line – VA to DC

    Biking up South Mountain to Dobbins Lookout

    Food Firsts: Dole Whip (yum!), Cinnaholic cinnamon roll (yum!), starfruit (meh), oatmilk soft serve (pretty good)

    First Visits to Sites: Cabazon Dinosaurs (CA), Giant Penny (CA), Continental Divide (NM), Suffragettes statues (TN), Parthenon replica (TN), Lincoln Memorial (DC), Albert Einstein Memorial (DC), Dr. Bob’s House – birthplace of AA (OH), Location of the Boston Tea Party (MA), Edgar Allan Poe statue (MA), World’s Biggest Wooden Gavel (IL), USA’s 2nd Largest Cross (IL), and Giant Cross with creepy life-size Stations of the Cross and homophobic propaganda (TX)

    Giant cross = Open space with grass = Good place to stop on a road trip for Lucy to stretch her legs

    Lucy’s Firsts

    Trip to the beach

    Subway ride

    Doggy backpack

    Doggy pajamas

    Adulting Merit Badges Earned

    Purchased a major appliance (clothes washer)

    Went to State Capitol to testify at a House of Representatives Committee meeting

    Learned how to drive a tractor

    Replaced a knob on my clothes dryer

    In Memoriam

    Hoomans: Burt Bacharach, Richard Belzer, Jim McHugh, Edward Kavanaugh (aka Prince K), Tina Turner, Bruce Press, Alan Arkin, Tony Bennett, Sinead O’Connor, Paul Reubens, Perry Nelson, Suzanne Somers, Richard Moll, Matthew Perry, Jeanne Seivert, Jesús Ociel Baena, Sandra Day O’Connor

    Animal Friends: Ingrid, Gracie, Mochi, Poppi, Jonesy

    Thank you to everyone who made 2023 a good year for me. Looking forward to more adventures and good memories in 2024.

  • Non-Binary Americans Can’t Get Health Insurance

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    Ruth Carter

    Did you know that there are no health insurance options for non-binary people in the U.S.? Whenever you apply for health insurance, the application asks for your gender/sex, and every application only has male/female options.

    When I corrected my birth certificate to state that I’m “non-binary,” I called my health insurance provider to update my account. They said they could not do the update because their insurance plans are specifically and only for males and females.

    Photo by Ivan Radic (Creative Commons)

    Health Insurance Broker Claims They Could Help

    In the summer of 2022, I received an email from the State Bar of Arizona with information about its health insurance exchange. I snarkily responded that I cannot get health insurance because I’m non-binary. The rep for the program sent me a response that said they were “confident” that they could find me a health insurance plan because federal law prohibits discrimination based on gender.

    My thoughts were dripping with sarcasm. I thought they were coming from a good place, but I didn’t think they knew what they were talking about.

    Wait – The Rep Found Me Non-binary Health Insurance?

    A few months later, when open enrollment started, the rep from the health insurance exchange sent me an email saying they’d found me some options for health insurance.

    Really?! I figured, if they even bothered writing me back, that they would saying they couldn’t find any options for non-binary people.

    Intrigued, I clicked on the link to the options they found. My curiosity quickly shifted to anger when I saw that the rep classified me as “female.”

    What the fuck, dude! (I thought it. I didn’t say it.)

    I sent them an annoyed, but respectful, response that I explicitly told them months ago that I’m non-binary, not female. (This is the issue I’ve been dealing with for years.)

    The rep responded that every health insurance option requires the applicant to declare themselves as “male” or “female.” I messaged them back with something like, “Welcome to my non-binary life.” I refuse to declare a gender that’s a lie.

    Photo by Thomas Backa (Creative Commons)

    Obnoxious Emails from HealthCare.gov

    Open enrollment also meant the beginning of a slew of emails from HealthCare.gov about researching and applying for health insurance under the Affordable Care Act. Every time one of these messages arrived, I became more and more prickly.

    I finally replied to one of these emails with “I can’t get health insurance because I’m non-binary.” Less than a minute later, a response arrived:

    “The email is not monitored.”

    Damn it!  

    Photo by Timo Kohlenberg (Creative Commons)

    I Called the Government

    When HealthCare.gov did not provide an option to email the government for help, I picked up the phone and called them. I clicked through their menu of options to get to a human, a polite man with a southern accent.

    I explained to him that I’m non-binary and there are no health insurance options for people like me on their site. His response: “Let me put you on hold and ask my manager.”

    When he came back on the line, the rep said a trans person can claim their new gender, male or female, when applying for health insurance. I told him again that I’m non-binary, not male or female, and that’s what’s on my birth certificate, driver’s license, and passport.

    “Birth certificate?”

    “Correct.”

    “Let me put you on hold and ask my manager again.”

    When he got back on the line, he was apologetic, but said that every health insurance plan requires you to state that you’re male or female.

    I knew this would be the answer. The point of making the call was to spread awareness about this issue, and I was curious to see how long it would take them to realize that non-binary people can’t get health insurance without lying about who they are. Before hanging up, I asked the rep to please let his manager know that this is a problem impacting all non-binary Americans.

    I also set my email up to automatically send all future emails from HealthCare.gov to spam.

    Why I Keep My Current Health Insurance

    I need health insurance to cover my medications and to be there if something catastrophic happens. If I didn’t, I’d approach an organization like Lambda Legal or the ACLU about teaming up, giving up my incorrect health insurance plan, paying the penalty on my federal taxes, and suing the government and/or health insurance providers for gender discrimination for not providing a health insurance option for non-binary people.

    Photo by Joe Abbruscato

    Hope on the Horizon

    The Social Security Administration is expected to add the X gender option sometime in 2023. Hopefully, this is the last year we have to identify as something we’re not in order to get health insurance. (Trans men and women were recently given the ability to update their social security records without needing a doctor’s letter.)

    I think social security is the last piece of the puzzle. Once someone has “non-binary” on every document across the board, I don’t think health insurance providers can get away with not having non-binary health insurance options or an option that doesn’t require the applicant to disclose their gender.

    Perhaps a non-gendered option will have a questionnaire that will ask about what body parts we have as well as what types of medical treatment or procedures we’ve had to date.  That seems fair and reasonable to design coverage based on your current health care needs. If you don’t have a prostate, you don’t need coverage that includes prostate cancer. Likewise, if you can’t get pregnant, you don’t need coverage for prenatal care or delivery.

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