• When Your Adult Child is Trans

    Last year, two of my cis-hetero friends told me that their college-age child recently came out trans. I immediately shifted into protective Oggy Ruth* mode and wanted to protect all of them and make sure they had the resources they might need.  

    Photo by Ted Eytan (Creative Commons)

    Free Mom Hugs

    Free Mom Hugs was started by Sara Cunningham who is the mom of a gay son. Her advocacy started by offering to stand in as anyone mom if their biological mother refused to come to their child’s same-sex wedding.

    Now there are Free Mom Hugs chapters throughout the U.S. Their members often attend pride events wearing “Free Mom Hugs” and “Free Dad Hugs” t-shirts, giving hugs to whoever wants them. It appears to be a great organization for parents who want to be involved and show support for the LGBTQ community.

    Photo by Hayley Tschetter (Creative Commons)

    Trans Education from Jammidodger

    Jamie Raines is a bisexual trans man in the UK. He also has a Ph.D. in psychology and dissertation on something related to transgender people.

    Jamie has a YouTube channel, Jammidodger, where he talks about and responds to a wide range of topics related to LGBTQ issues. He’s also been quite open his experiences taking testosterone as well as having top and bottom surgeries. Jamie also does videos where he responds to transphobic statements made by well-known people.

    One thing I appreciate about his channel is when he responds to transphobic statements, he cites studies that support what he’s saying, so he’s not just telling his opinion, but providing evidence.

    Where to Buy Clothes

    One issue I had to deal with when embracing my non-binary gender is figuring out what size I wear in men’s clothing. I also wanted to try different looks, and I didn’t want to buy a bunch of stuff online, knowing I’d have to send most of it back because most menswear doesn’t fit an estrogen-generated body.

    The place I first felt welcome to try on whatever I wanted was Buffalo Exchange. The staff is open to all types of people, and they don’t care what you want to try on. The only downside of Buffalo Exchange is they have dressing rooms labeled for men and women. I’ve also had good experiences trying on men’s pants at Lululemon and Eddie Bauer.

    If you’re lucky, you live in or near a city that has a clothing store that specifically caters to trans people, like Margie’s Closet in Cleveland, Ohio. 

    Where to Get a Haircut

    Not everyone feels comfortable getting their hair cut if they want a style that doesn’t conform to the gender they were assigned at birth. Thankfully, there’s the website Strands for Trans. It helps people find trans-friendly salons and barber shops.

    Photo by Ted Eytan (Creative Commons)

    How to Legally Change Your Name and Gender

    I’ve worked with several parents who needed guidance while helping their adult trans child legally change their name and gender. The process is not rocket science, but it can seem overwhelming at times with the various forms. It’s also easy to get confused about the order in which you have to update everything.

    Legally changing your name requires a court hearing. Check the county court where the child lives for information and the forms needed to change their name.

    Thankfully it’s much easier to change your gender on your passport. It’s just a matter of applying for a new passport and select their correct gender – no additional proof needed. If they’re a trans man or trans woman, they can just as easily update their social security record.

    Once they have their new passport, they can likely get their corrected driver’s license. If they want to correct their birth certificate too, contact the Office of Vital Records where they were born and them what documents they’ll need.

    Where to Ask for Help

    While there are plenty of resources for trans people and their families, they can also look to Reddit for help from strangers on the internet. There are subreddits for trans people, trans men, trans women, nonbinary people, and LGBTQ people. There’s even a subreddit to ask transgender people questions.

    If your trans kiddo has a question about sex or relationships, they may want to check out advice columnist Dan Savage and the Savage Love podcast. If he hasn’t addressed your kid’s concern to date, they can call or email him with their question.

    Dan and his partner also started the It Gets Better Project, which is an incredible place where LGBTQ people share their stories and messages of hope. Speaking of it gets better, if your kid is ever having a “baby trans” moment where they feel small, scared, or discriminated against, here’s a song that might help: It Gets Better by Rebecca Drysdale.

    How to Protect Yourself

    I would be doing a disservice if I didn’t mention this, and I’m really sorry this is how it currently is in the U.S., but violence against trans people is disturbingly high, especially trans women of color. There have also been mass shootings at gay night clubs, including at Pulse in Orlando in 2016 and Club Q in Colorado Springs in 2022.

    Your kid may want to take some preventative measures like taking a self-defense class or carrying something for self-defense like pepper spray or the Go Guarded ring. I own the Go Guarded ring, and I’ve considered getting a bulletproof undershirt, but that thing costs hundreds of dollars.

    Photo by Quinn Dombrowski (Creative Commons)

    * There is no gender-neutral term for aunt/uncle, so I created my own title: oggy. It rhymes with “doggy” and “foggy.”

  • Running Commando

    Women might understand this better than men, but when you find a brand and cut of underwear that fits your body, you stay loyal. I discovered my perfect underwear about 10 years ago – I was perfect size medium low-rise bikini brief. I’d tell you the brand, but it’s a Secret, and irrelevant and you’ll soon see.

    No Pants AZ 2014 by Patrick McLeod from Flickr
    No Pants AZ 2014 by Patrick McLeod from Flickr

    My underwear was perfect – it was low enough that they stayed inside my pants and provided enough coverage and elastic that they didn’t go up my butt. And then two things happened:

    #1 – I lost 10 pounds during law school.
    #2 – My brand changed the template for my perfect underwear.

    My mediums in the old cut still fit but they’re starting to wear out and their replacements (same cut, size small) provide sufficient coverage and comfort except when I go running when they give me a wedgie.

    I’ve only been running for a few years so I jumped on the running Subreddit to see what others had to say about underwear and running. I was surprised to see so many women reporting that they wore a thong or went commando when they ran.

    Now, I don’t really get thongs. They have a purpose in my life, but it’s more about fashion than function, and that’s pretty short-lived. Since I don’t wear them in my real life, there’s no way I’m wearing one in my running life.

    Asics Compression Shorts
    Asics Compression Shorts

    So I thought I’d give running commando a try. I have running shorts with a built-in liner so I suppose it was always obvious that they didn’t need underwear. My shorts have the loose liners (sewed in at the top but not snug to the body) so there’s plenty of movement in the fabric with each step – including the possibility that the liner could go up my ass. Bah! All three pairs of shorts did this and they’re all different brands/cuts/etc.

    So back to the drawing board I went. Luckily someone suggested wearing compression shorts as underwear. Compression shorts are very tight and come in a variety of lengths. Given that I wanted mine to double as underwear, I was only interested in the ones with the 2.5” inseam. I tried on every pair available at my sporting goods store and I jogged in place in each pair in the dressing room to test which pair was right for me. I walked out with a pair of Asics low cut compression shorts.

    Talk about tiny! These are shorts that will never be worn as a pair of stand-alone shorts outside my house. They work pretty well layered under my shorts but they need to be adjusted occasionally.

    Asics Running Shorts with a Built-in Brief
    Asics Running Shorts with a Built-in Brief

    A few days later I was at my favorite running store, Runner’s Den, for new shoes. Now that I’m back into running 3-4 days a week, I needed shoes that can support my arches and accommodate how much my feet swell when I run. Runner’s Den has an awesome deal where you get a 20% discount on apparel when you buy shoes. I told the clerk about my challenges with underwear and running and he showed me Asics running shorts that have a built-in boxer brief.

    I love these shorts! This is a pair you can wear commando because the built-in boxer brief makes underwear superfluous. The brief is snug but comfortable and stays in place when I run. They are a bit pricey, but I could see myself slowly switching out my old shorts with 1-2 more pairs of these and take advantage of the discount that comes with replacing my shoes.

  • My Favorite Things 2013

    Oprah used to do a “My Favorite Things” show every year so I decided to do the same, but without all the freebies. Sorry.

    I reviewed my calendar and Yelp reviews from the past year and here’s my list of my favorite things. Everything on this list is something I use or do and enjoy. I’ve not been compensated in any way for including anyone in this post.

    Working Out
    2013 half marathon pre raceFavorite Phoenix Area Race: P.F. Chang Rock ‘n’ Roll Half Marathon

    Favorite Place to get Running Shoes: Runner’s Den

    Favorite Place to Work Out: Arizona Canal

    Favorite Device for Sore Muscles: The Stick

    Favorite Place to get Fixed when I Break Myself: Endurance Rehab

    Food
    Favorite Doughnut: Buttermilk bar from BoSa Donuts (open ‘til 10pm)

    0702131205Favorite Mexican Food: Jordan’s

    Favorite Greek Food: Greektown

    Favorite Indian Food: The Dhaba

    Favorite Dessert for Lunch: Yogurtland

    Favorite Food Truck: Jamburritos

    Favorite Dessert Food Truck: Mamma Toledo’s

    Favorite Ice Krem (Phoenix): Churn

    Favorite Ice Krem (Scottsdale): Sugar Bowl

    Favorite Place for Late-Night Eats and Work: Gay Denny’s

    Life
    0511131339Favorite Dog Park: Margaret T. Hance Dog Park

    Favorite Place for Shirts with Custom Verbiage: Brand X Custom T-shirts

    Favorite Site for Shirts with Original Artwork: Threadless

    Favorite Snuggle Wear: REI Yoga Pants

    Favorite Person for Fixing my Sore Body: Thomas Porter

    Favorite Shop for Music Geeks: Central Music

    Favorite Bookstore: Changing Hands

    Favorite TV Show: The Big Bang Theory

    Favorite Reality Show: Deadliest Catch

    Favorite Place to Go When I Really Need to Escape: Firefly Room at the Phoenix Art Museum

    No Pants Ride 2013 - Photo by Joseph Abbruscatto from Flickr (used with permission)
    No Pants Ride 2013 – Photo by Joseph Abbruscatto from Flickr (used with permission)

    Online
    Favorite Webhost: Dreamhost

    Favorite Social Media Platform: Twitter

    Favorite Podcast: Savage Lovecast

    Favorite Online Cartoon: Foamy the Squirrel

    Favorite Site for Travel Suggestions: Roadside America

    Favorite Site for Everything Else: Reddit

    Events and Activities
    Favorite Flash Mob: Improv AZ’s No Pants Light Rail Ride

    Favorite Community Event: Ignite Phoenix

    Favorite Place on a Friday Night: ASU Women’s Gymnastics Meets

    Favorite Phoenix Geek Event: Phoenix Ultimate Geek Smackdown (PUGS)

    Favorite Place to see Who’s Who in the Local Zoo: Local First Arizona Fall Festival

    I hope you’ve enjoyed my list and perhaps it’s inspired you to try some of my favorite things. 😉