The

Undeniable

Ruth

®

…and the Ruth shall set you free!

  • Vampire Running

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    Ruth Carter

    It’s been about three months since my last post about running, and I’m about a month away from the 2018 Rock ‘n’ Roll Arizona Marathon. Training with Coach David has been going well. He still has me running three days a week: two 10Ks and a long run these days. Thankfully I’ve graduated from short sprints and 5Ks with negative splits. Coach David says I’ll curse he name sometime during my training, but I just don’t see myself cursing the person who’s trying to help me.

    This is what I look like after running 20 miles. Look at that hair!

    Last week, I coined the phrase, “vampire running.” I really enjoy finishing my run and getting home before sunrise. (Yes, I wear a snazzy reflective belt so cars can see me.) The world is so peaceful then. I rarely see other runners out with me – usually just the Uber self-driving cars, a handful of delivery trucks, and people who have to be at work before 7am. It’s nice to start the day running under the last few stars.

    David’s been working with me on maintaining a steady pace during my runs. I’ll admit I don’t always care about pace, like last Tuesday when I woke up super angry and I just felt like hauling ass. Looking back, I can’t tell you why I was angry (maybe PMS) but I was spitting nails. I ran 6.6 miles with an average 9:04/mile pace.

    Two days later, I was ready to be more even-keeled. I switched out my fast-paced running music for podcasts and ran the same 6.6 miles at 9:39/mile average. Looking at my data on Strava, I wouldn’t call it a steady pace, but it was less chaotic than the first run of the week.

    Real conversation I had with Coach David last week

    Last Saturday was my first 20-mile run of this training cycle. Even though David’s steadily increased the lengths of my long runs over the last 3 months, I was still nervous for this distance. And since I’m a vampire runner, I set my alarm for 3am so I could be out pounding pavement by 4:30am. (I have to feed and walk Rosie dog and get a peanut butter bagel with banana and a coffee in my system before my long run.)

    Running during that quiet window when the night owls have gone to bed and the early risers aren’t up and out yet is wonderful. It helped me find my zone and I kept my most even pace to date. I chose I route that faced west for the first half, so I could maximize my enjoyment of the darkness, and faced east for the run home. I got to see the first light peaking over the horizon and then I watched the sunrise during my last few miles home. It was glorious. I finished in substantially less pain than I anticipated with an average pace of 10:31/mile.

    One thing that’s changed since September is the temperature. Autumn finally arrived a few weeks ago and it’s actually chilly in the morning now. I had to ask Coach David about if/when I should switch to long pants and sleeves. (On race day, the expected starting temperature is around 45 degrees with an expected high of 65 degrees.) He said the magic number for that is 40, though he follows a different rule for himself.

  • The Results Are In

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    Ruth Carter

    The results from the July 2017 California Bar Exam were posted on November 17th. I suspect you can tell by the delay between results being released and the writing of this post, I didn’t pass.

    Reminder: Rob-tastic and I teamed up with Barbri to document and share our stories from studying for the July 2017 California Bar Exam.

    He’s Zen. I’m Grumpy.

    Bar Results Day
    For the week before bar results were out, I was literally counting down the hours. There was nothing we could do to change the outcome. We just had to wait until the designated time when our results would be available. At 7pm on the button, I input my application number and a screen popped up that said my number didn’t match anything on the pass list.

    I gasped. I did the full-on “gay gasp.”

    I double and tripled checked my number, hoping that I typed it incorrectly.

    No I didn’t. I failed bar exam.

    I texted Rob. He didn’t pass either.

    I was shocked. I spent the rest of the night in a daze with dashes of anger that were more pronounced as the hours passed. (On the flip side, I channeled my anger into a 17.5-mile run the next day. I averaged 9:46/mile.)

    Telling the Friends
    The bar results would soon be public for all and enough people knew the date they’d be released, so I knew I had to face the music sooner than later. Running for three hours gave me time to think about how I’d break the news. When I got back from my run, I posted to Facebook:

    Bad News: I failed the CA Bar Exam.

    Good News: I can bang all the Californians I want b/c the CA Rules of Professional Conduct don’t apply to me.

    I know it’s not the classiest thing to post, but it was right mix of bluntness, anger, and sarcasm in the moment. Of course, all my friends were loving and supportive. Many of them responded with notes that I’ll pass it next time, which I thought was odd because I have no plans to take the California bar next year. My existing obligations and commitments don’t allow me to turn around and try again.

    Will We Ever Take the CA Bar Exam Again?
    Rob-tastic has already said that he’s taking the California Bar Exam again next summer. If he passes the second time around, I won’t need my own California license as long as we’re at the same firm. We’re both still fans of Barbri, and will use them again for future bar exams.

    Oh, and I have to make a confession: I bought postcards planning to send them to our favorite Barbri instructors to thank them for their help during bar prep. We didn’t get to them before the bar exam, and I figured we could send them after we got results. Now I don’t want to send postcards. I still appreciate our favorite instructors.

    So How Are We?
    Rob says he’s “pretty Zen” about his results, “little disappointed, not terribly shaken up.” The fact remains that failing this test doesn’t change the fact that we’re lawyers. We’ve been kept plenty busy with client work, so we don’t have much time to think about this test. He’s putting any extra energy he has towards studying for the patent bar which he’s taking early next year.

    I, on the other hand, am grumpy every time I think about my bar results. Failing was not part of my master plan, and I’m bummed I spent nearly $600 on my California character and fitness application. Thankfully, I have other projects keeping me busy so I don’t think about it often.

    We want to thank Barbri for being our partner in this journey. We don’t attribute any of our results to them. If and when we take another bar exam, we’ll be doing it with Barbri’s help.

  • Thoughts About #MeToo

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    Ruth Carter

    I’ve been following the #metoo movement, started by Tarana Burke, and became widespread when Alyssa Milano posted about it following the dozens of allegations of sexual harassment and assault against filmmaker Harvey Weinstein.

    Alone by Marc Falardeau from Flickr (Creative Commons License)

    I wish things like the #metoo movement weren’t necessary. I feel sad and disgusted when I think about the sheer number of people who have been sexually harassed, abused, and assaulted. How can anyone feel entitled to take advantage of another person like this?

    These predators thrive in silence. They rely on the fear and shame they invoke in their victims so they can continue to prey on others. #Metoo helps break the silence, and give survivors a voice. It breaks the pattern of downplaying these incidents and staying silent out of fear of the repercussions that could result from speaking out against these perpetrators.

    As a survivor, I’m grateful for #metoo.

    Don’t Rape by Richard Potts from Flickr (Creative Commons License)

    It’s validating and empowering to see people speaking out about their abuse. It reminds me that I’m not alone. It exposes the vastness of this problem. Sexual assault doesn’t just happen to “other people,” it happens to your friends, your family, your co-workers, people you look up to – people you know.

    Although reading about other people’s #metoo experiences is validating, it’s also painful. I read these posts to honor and validate the survivor, but I also read them to see that I’m not alone in my experience as a survivor. My fellow survivors know what it’s like to be taken advantage of, to be frozen in fear, and what it’s like to be physically violated.

    When I read a #metoo story like McKayla Maroney’s, who was repeated sexually assaulted by the USA Gymnastics team doctor, Dr. Larry Nassar, for years starting at age 13, I read her words, and I identify with her experience. It reminds me of what it feels like to be trapped, helpless, and covered with the sensation of icky-ness. Even as I type, I pause to shake my hands, trying to rid myself of that wave of shame.

    I love this photo of Joe and me by Brandon Larkin (Creative Commons License)

    Reading these accounts is triggering. As I was getting ready for work one morning last week, I wanted to climb back into bed and avoid the world instead of going to the office. Enveloped in shame, I could barely look anyone in the eye. When I went to my therapy appointment, I spent most of the session curled up on my therapist’s couch while we processed what I was feeling. (I couldn’t look him in the eye either.) He reminded me to take extra care of myself.

    Why do I share all this? Because calling out the people who commit these disgusting acts is only part of the story. The impact on the survivors from being sexually harassed or assaulted can be devastating. It was for me.

    It’s not something I went through, it’s something I live with. I’m getting better, thanks to therapy, medication, treatment, 12-step programs, and having a loving supportive people around me, though I still have days where I struggle with depression and I’m burdened with shame. Going to 12-step meetings taught me that “our secrets keep us sick,” so I have to share my story to help myself heal.

    I support the #metoo movement and survivors sharing their experiences even though it can be triggering for me. This problem will only continue if we ignore it.

    Thank you to everyone who validates me by sharing their story.