I made the decision in 2018 to keep my head shaved for a year.
My first shave was by a professional stylist, but then I bought a set a
clippers and re-shaved it ever 7-10 days. It was great in the warmer months.
Not having hair kept me much cooler. Starting in the summer of 2019, in
addition to cutting my hair with clippers, I began using a razor blade to cut
my hair as close as possible, making my head feel as smooth as a honeydew
melon.
Having no hair was super convenient. Every morning, all I had
to do was flop out of bed, and I was ready to go. I never had to deal with bed
head, and I didn’t have to pay for conditioner, styling products, or haircuts
for a year. (I washed my head stubble with a shampoo bar a few times a week.)
I’ll admit, having no hair made me feel like a badass at
time, like the embodiment of a superhero. I don’t think it made me more
aerodynamic though.
Painted Gold from Head to Toe
One of the best experiences I had while bald was being painted
by Skin City in Las Vegas.
Since I didn’t have hair, the artist was able to paint me, literally, from the
top of my head to the top of my feet (except for a pair of pasties and gold undies.
I felt like a living statue.
After the event, I put my jeans and went back to my hotel.
My friends liked watching people react to me watching around with my gold head
and torso, so I humored them by walking through the casino floor. That’s where
we learned the fun way that you can’t walk through a casino with a painted face
(which is ironic given how much makeup some people wear). Security stopped us
as I was finishing my lap around the room.
Assumptions People Made About Me
There were a few occasions when people asked if I had cancer.
One man came up to me in the parking lot of Sprouts and tried to tell me about how
carrot juice kills cancer. Every time, I responded honestly that I was just
taking a break from having hair.
As far as I know, no one assumed that I was a Neo Nazi, or
anything, though a friend said I looked a bit scary in a tank top with my no-hair.
Did I Ever Sunburn my Head?
I am grateful to whoever invented spray on sunblock. I rarely
left the house without spraying my head if it was after sunrise. I managed to
go the whole year without burning my scalp. When I went outside for longer
workouts, I wore a bandana under my helmet when I was biking and a hat when I
was running to protect my head from the sun.
Here are some of the things I learned from my year with no hair:
It’s challenging to cut your own hair around and behind your ears.
Yes, you can cut yourself with clippers. I nicked the top of my earlobe on numerous occasions.
It’s really easy to cut yourself if you use a disposable razor to shave your head.
It’s difficult to find a ballgown that goes with no-hair. The fanciness of the dress didn’t have anything to balance it out up top. I tried to find a sparkly headband, but it didn’t look right.
It was easier to present myself androgynously without hair. More people addressed me as “sir,†when I was in baggy guy clothes.
Now What?
Now I’m letting my hair grow out, going back to my previous
undercut. I’ve started to miss it. Hopefully, I’ll have enough hair to have the
style I want by this summer.
As I read
through the notes in my memory jar for 2019, I noted that a lot of my happy
memories this year involved hugs and dogs. It so cute when dogs get so excited,
they piddle. Depression and anxiety were regular companions this year, and it
shows by how empty my calendar was except for work travel and race training.
Nevertheless,
there are still things to celebrate from 2019:
Top 5 Events
1. Half Ironman Maine.
The bulk of my year was focused on training for and competing in Maine 70.3, my first Half Ironman. It was a fun, but somewhat brutal race. The swim in the freezing cold and choppy water was exhausting, and it was only the first mile of the race! I love the bike ride through the back roads of Maine. I had some choice words for Coach David when I realized that a portion of the run was on a dirt trail. It felt so good to raise my arms as I crossed the finish line, but the best part of the day was hugging Coach David after we both had finished.
Proud Coach
2. Meeting the Nibling.
I wanted to meet my nibling before she got too big, so I made a special trip across the country to spend the weekend with her. When I first walked in the door, my sister was feeding the baby. She took one look at me and started to cry. (Apparently, she’d reached the stage where she can distinguish between familiar and unfamiliar faces.) By the next morning, we were friends. I love this little creature – watching her piercing blue eyes take in the world and seeing her independent spirit whether she’s playing with her toys or crawling across the floor. I hope I’ll hear her say, “Oggy†soon.
I was awake. Baby K was working on it.
3. Snuggling with Adorabull.
Aimee’s Farm Animal Sanctuary took in a sick calf this summer. He was found in a ditch, umbilical cord still attached, and covered in mud. A good Samaritan brought him to the sanctuary. Aimee named him Adorabull. She also put out the call on Facebook asking for extra help at the farm since the sick baby needed so much attention. I spent a Saturday morning at the farm helping to tube feed him, give him his meds, and snuggle with him. I nicknamed him “Addy.† It was such a joy to see him stand up and eat some starter feed. You could see he had a fight in him, even when he was weak. He survived and is doing great at the sanctuary now.
Sweet Adorabull, aka “Addy”
4. Plastic-Free July.
One of the ways humans are destroying the planet is with single-use plastics. We use these plastic items for a matter of minutes, and then it won’t decompose of thousands of years. It makes no sense to use our fossil fuels like this. It makes me sad and angry to see how it’s wreaking havoc on marine life. I challenged myself to do avoid single use plastics for Plastic-Free July, and to find alternative products that no plastic packaging. It forced me to re-think the way I shop for food and hygiene products. Even after this month ended, I still try to avoid single-use plastics at least 90% of the time.
5. What We Left Behind– DS9 Documentary.
I love Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. It’s my favorite Star Trek series to date. It’s a Trek that focused more on relationships compared to the other series, and it how the writers created their story arcs was changed the way others wrote episodic series. I loved sitting in the theater, surrounded by my fellow Trekkies, and hearing all the behind the scenes stories about this series.
Firsts in 2019
I’ve had a lot of firsts related that came leading up to my first Half Ironman race. I got my first triathlon bike, that came with my first tri-bike fitting. That was followed with my first time riding a bike with my feet clipped to my pedals (and my first fall from my tri-bike). In physical therapy, I also had dry needling with electro-stimulation for my hips and back.
I had my first dermatologist
appointment this year for a strip-down-check-every-mole skin exam this year.
When my friends
got engaged, I thought they were going to ask me to watch their dog during the ceremony.
Instead, they asked me to be the presider.
I committed to keeping my head shaved for a year. Starting I the summer, I began taking a razor blade to my head in addition to my clippers.
When my flight
was delayed from 11pm to 7am, I spent my first night in an airport.
I was glad I was working from home the morning a neighbor asked me to give his car a jump when battery was dead.
After Shankminds in Las Vegas, I was asked to leave a casino for walking through it with a painted face (and body).
I was painted down to my feet, but I put on jeans to go back to my hotel.
I called the Cleveland
Police Department to get more information about Ohio’s decency law. They put me
on hold and took a poll around the office to decide how topless I could legally
be in public.
With my
non-binary birth certificate in hand, I attempted to get a non-binary passport
and update my social security record. Both times, a clerk on the phone told me
I could change my records, and both times, it turned out not to be true.
Rosie the basset hound is still alive and kicking, thanks in part to cold laser treatment and CBD.
My
first Half Ironman triathlon is in the books: 70.3 miles in 7 hours, 18
minutes, 25 seconds. I’ll take that.
This
race was about a year in the making, ever since I did my first sprint triathlon
last September. Less than 30 seconds into that race, I knew the Half Ironman
was next.
Getting
to Maine
Leading
up to Maine 70.3 was training – lots of
sweaty training – in the Phoenix heat. I was usually slimy with sweat by Mile 3
of a run, no matter how early I left the house. Coach David and I had to be
careful about not having me outside too long on the 110+ degree days.
I
also spent the last year dealing with a hip injury. I had to defer both my half
marathon and full marathon over the winter because my hip wouldn’t let me train
the way I needed to. Thankfully, my physical therapist is also a triathlete, so she was the perfect person to help David
and me build up my mileage and adjust my strategy to manage the pain.
Pre-Race
Prep
I
had many calls and texts with David leading up to race day. We talked about how
I was going to fuel during the race with protein powder, gels, and salt. He reviewed my
packing list to make sure I brought everything I was going to need. I even made
little lists to remind myself of what I needed to do during each transition
(swim-to-bike and bike-to-run).
I
arrived in Old Orchard Beach,
Maine
two days before the race. Our hotel was minutes away from the race expo and the
starting line. We hit the race expo first to get our race packets (timing chip,
race number, bike stickers, swim cap, etc.). I was so jittery-excited I could
barely take it all in.
That
afternoon, David took me swimming in the ocean. It had been over a year since
I’d last swam in an ocean, and it was my first time swimming in my wetsuit. We
worked on my form and cadence (which is hard to maintain in choppy water), and
he lovingly reminded me of what it’s like to swim in a race by purposely
running into me. He calls it Direct Recovery (of) Open Water Navigation (&)
Guidance (D.R.O.W.N.G). It sounds cruel, but during a triathlon, people hit and
kick you all the time during the swim. It’s better to be ready for it – because
it will happen – so it won’t freak you out during the race.
Saturday
was all about resting. I think I was the only non-Orthodox Jew in our group. It
was fun participating in my first Shabbas lunch and learning all the rules.
Since I was the “Shabbas goy†who could do “work,†I walked both David’s and my
bikes to the race transition area. He came with me and we timed how long it
took to walk from the transition area to the swim start and back to our hotel.
It
was windy on Saturday, and David and I talked about what that would mean for my
race. I shrugged and said, “I’ll still PR.â€
Old Orchard Beach, Maine. This is where we went into the water. Photo by NewEnglandCoast from Flickr (Creative Commons License)
Race
Day!
Race
day morning was nerve-wracking. I was so nervous/excited as a powered down my
oatmeal, pulled my wetsuit halfway up my body, and packed my gear bag for the
race. David was cool as a cucumber as I was powerwalking to bike transition
area, afraid I wouldn’t have enough time to lay out my gear before we had to
report to the beach for the swim. (We had plenty of time.)
1.2-Mile
Swim in the Atlantic Ocean
For
the start of the race, we lined up based on when we expected to finish the swim.
Instead of going in all at once, the organizers had us going in four swimmers
at a time, each group five seconds apart.
Even
though David is a faster swimmer than me, he lined up with me so he could be
there to give me a last hug and be the proud coach to who told the announcer
that it was my first Half Ironman. We walked into the ocean together, and
within minutes we were apart, swimming our own races as we expected.
The
swim was brutal. The water was cold and choppy. I had so much adrenaline
coursing through my veins that I didn’t feel cold, but it was cold enough that
the race was “booties legal†(below 65 degrees). Even though I was wearing
goggles, I could barely see anything underwater, except the air bubbles coming
out of my mouth. I couldn’t even see the hands and feet that were coming
towards me until right before they hit me in the face. With 2,400+ racers, I got hit a lot.
The
race route was a rectangle – out, over, and back again. Throughout the route,
there were volunteers on paddle boards and kayaks where you could grab on if
you needed a minute to rest and breathe. I checked my watch when I grabbed onto
the first kayak – 4:45 into the race. I was panicking. I couldn’t find my
cadence and I it seemed like I was getting hit by the other racers every few
seconds.
There
were three other racers holding onto the kayak. We gave each other a few
encouraging words before letting go to swim on.
At
the buoy signaling the last turn for shore, I began to get pulled off course.
In my wetsuit, I was essentially a floaty on top of the water, being pulled by
the sideways current. A paddle boarding volunteer caught up with me and told me
to aim back towards to race route. I tried, but it didn’t work. I was too tired
and too light to get back to the group. Instead, I aimed for shore and walked
back when my feet hit the sand.
One
of the challenges of Ironman is you’re stuck listening to your own thoughts for
the entire race. (No earbuds or cell phones allowed.) I kept myself going with
words of encouragement using “Baby Duck,†my gymnastics
coach’s pet name for his gymnasts.
I
was so tired after the swim. I finished it in 1 hour, 2 minutes – 12 minutes
longer than I wanted – and because I got pulled so far off course, I ended up
doing 2,800 yards (including my walk back) instead of 2,100.
As
I walked back to the official swim exit, I saw two lifeguards carrying a
swimmer out of the water because they were too tired to walk. After the race, I
heard a rumor that 70 people didn’t finish either because they were too tired
or got seasick.
Transition
One: Swim-to-Bike
As
I walked over the sensor that indicated that I finished the swim, I said, “Fuck
Ironman†and flipped off the photographer getting shot of all of us coming out
of the swim. I was so tired and angry. That’s also when I finally felt how cold
I was.
At
the end of the swim, there were volunteers called “strippers†who peeled off
our wetsuits. As I walked up to them, I said, “Who wants to touch me?†Two
women held up their hands to help me. They pulled off my wetsuit and handed it
to me to carry back to the bike transition.
Once
I got to my bike, I pulled off my swim
cap and googles, sprayed down with sunblock, put on my socks, bike shoes,
bandana, helmet, and sunglasses, and I was off again.
56-Mile Bike Ride
The
bike ride took us through the back roads of many towns in the area. I loved
that this bike route was a single loop rather than several laps on a smaller
loop.
Near
the beginning of the ride, I saw a street called Ruth Way. I smiled and
thought, “My race. My way.â€
This
area of Maine is gorgeous – lots of houses with barn stars (for good luck), cows, big trees, and open
pastures. The route had rolling hills, and only a few were brutal. It was much
nicer than city riding.
Throughout
the ride, I found people to pace with – we learned each other’s names and said
hello as we passed each other. I was pleased to see that I frequently passed
people, especially on the hills. As I climbed each hill, I muttered, “We train
on hills because we race on hills.†It felt gratifying to pass other people in
my division. (The organizers write your age on the back of your left calf in
black marker before the beginning of the race.)
There
were three aid stations along the ride that had bananas, water, and Gatorade. I
came to a full stop at each one to have a banana and switch out my Gatorade
bottle. I was like a Minion, smiling, and saying, “Mmm, banana†each time. Most
of the other racers near me could grab and consume these without falling. I
wasn’t that skilled yet.
Based
on our training rides, I knew there was a chance I’d catch up to David during
the bike. I passed him at Mile 36. He was unmistakable with his tzitzit and his neon yellow “Do Epic Shit†socks. I was impressed when
he passed me just before the end of the ride. We finished with only two riders
between us.
My race medal. I earned this thing.
Transition
Two: Bike-to-Run
I
made sure I did three things before I headed out for the run:
My shoes were tied the way I like them.
I sprayed my skin with sunblock again.
I put on my hat.
Even
though we were in Maine, I didn’t want to finish the race looking like a
lobster.
David
is much faster in the transitions than I am. (He’s done 6 Ironman and more than
20 Half Ironman races.) By the time I got out on the run, he was already about
three minutes ahead of me.
13.1-Mile
Run
I
felt better than I expected during the run. I’ve heard that some racers have to
walk the first part of the run until they get their “legs back.†I could run
from my first step. I wasn’t fast, but I was running. Actually, I was surprised
by how many people I passed during the run portion.
The
race organizers had aid stations every 1 to 1.5 miles along the route with
Gatorade, water, Coke, bananas, oranges, and pretzels. I stayed hydrated with
Gatorade, treated myself to Coke twice, and gave myself hits of salt from a race
vial that I was carrying with me.
About
a third of the run was on a nature trail. Anyone who knows me knows that I don’t like trail
running.
I’m clumsy enough without outside help. I caught up with David around Mile 4,
while we were on the trail. As I approached him, I said, “Fuck you, David,†and
he responded, “That’s my athlete.†He “forgot†to tell me that part of the race
was on dirt. I passed him and kept going. (He and I have a running joke about
cursing his name.)
My
strategy for the run was to alternate between running and walking. I started
with run 9 minutes/walk 1 minute. At minute 58 of my run, my hip started to
hurt, so I shifted to run 6/walk 1.
Crossing
the Finish Line
I
ran as hard as I could for the last half mile of the race – pushing myself for
a strong finish. I raised my arms
triumphantly as I crossed the finish line. To be honest, I was so tired, I was
surprised I could still lift my arms.
I
hung out in the finish line area, knowing David wasn’t far behind me. He
crossed the finish line five minutes after me and gave me a big hug. He was
beaming with coach pride.
Athlete and Proud Coach
Post-Race
It
felt so good to step into a hot shower after the race. I was covered in salt,
sweat, and sunblock.
The
next morning, I flew home to Phoenix. I was tired and sore, but thankfully, the
pain was nothing like I feared.
So
many thanks to Ironman, the volunteers, everyone who cheered along the race
route, all my loved ones who supported me in this journey, and especially Coach
David and his family. I couldn’t have done this without you.