The

Undeniable

Ruth

®

…and the Ruth shall set you free!

  • Adventures with my Bashful Bladder

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    Ruth Carter

    Pre–employment drug testing by Francis Storr from Flickr
    Pre–employment drug testing by Francis Storr from Flickr

    I was recently offered an adjunct instructor position at an art college to teach Business Media Law. When they told me that they wanted to hire me, they explained that the next step was a background check and a drug test.

    A drug test. This was going to be fun.

    My problem with drug tests isn’t that I worry about passing. It’s that I generally can’t pee on command.

    I’ve always had a bashful bladder. When I applied to the U.S. Air Force Academy, a drug test is part of the physical. I was there at 7am and I couldn’t make myself pee until after I finished the rest of my tests. About 10 years ago, I participated in one of the Merck HIV vaccine trials. I had to take a pregnancy test before each time I was due for a vaccination. I drank tons of coffee before going to the clinic and it still took forever to get me to pee on command. After that the staff gave me a set of specimen cups and trusted me to pee at home and bring in it with me. It was weird carrying a cup of urine in my purse into the clinic each time.

    Last week I got my official notice of my testing site and that I had 48 hours to complete the test. I drank a bottle of water after my morning coffee and when I started feeling a tickle in my bladder, I headed to the testing site. The gentleman with the African accent showed me to the bathroom and handed me the specimen cup with the instruction that I needed to provide at 50mL sample. I sat down in the stall and tried to think about scenes from my favorite comedians stand-up specials – like Kathy Griffin and Ellen DeGeneres. But no luck – my bladder wasn’t giving in.

    I glumly told the guy that I couldn’t pee and headed back to the waiting room to drink more water and think about humorous things. I paced around the room but thought it would probably be better to sit still. No one may have concentrated more on funny things than I did sitting in that waiting room. Two more bottles of water later, I was ready to try again.

    I sat down in the stall again and started thinking about Tom Green. His early stunts are so stupid and funny. They make me laugh so much.

    Success! After thinking about a few of Tom’s stunts, my bladder let go. Here’s the clip I was thinking about when I was finally able to pee.

    Thanks Tom!

  • Adventures with Rosie: Getting Homeowner’s Insurance

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    Ruth Carter

    I promised Rosie a new bed. Of course she picked out the most expensive one in the store.
    I promised Rosie a new bed. Of course she picked out the most expensive one in the store.

    In case anyone missed the memo, Rosie and I are moving. Don’t worry, we’re not leaving Phoenix, just getting a new place to call our own. And it’s a smaller place that better accommodates my aspiring minimalist lifestyle.

    Part of the process of becoming a homeowner is buying homeowner’s insurance. I amused myself going through the questionnaire with my insurance agent to get a quote.

    Do you have any pets?
    Yes. I have a basset hound.

    Has your dog ever bitten anyone?
    I have a basset hound.

    (In all fairness, my family had a basset when I was younger that would get violent when he got confused. We think he had hearing loss from a severe illness when he was a puppy. But come on – who has ever heard of a vicious basset hound? Grouchy yes. Vicious no.)

    Does your home have a security system?
    I have a basset hound.

    Oh, I’m way too easily entertained by my dog. But who wouldn’t be?

     

  • Independents Week 2014 – Who’s In?

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    Ruth Carter

    I’m excited for Independents Week next week (6/29 – 7/6) and I hope you are too. This is the week where you’re encouraged to spending your money locally. When you spend locally, more of your money stays in the community compared to when you shop at big box stores – a lot more. I participated last year and had an awesome time shopping at some of my favorite businesses in the valley and trying out some new ones too.

    Independents Week is also Golden Coupon week. Members of Local First Arizona will be offering 20% discounts when you shop with a Golden Coupon. (See their site for details and limitations.) Over 260 businesses all over the state are participating. It’s a great reason to try a new place in your neighborhood.

    Golden Coupon 2014

    These are some of the places in metro Phoenix that I’m excited to see are participating. I’m sticking to Phoenix area places because, well, I live here.

    • Arizona Fun Services – where my partner-in-crime and I got our root suits
    • Bookman’s Entertainment Exchange
    • Brand X Custom T-shirts – makes all my custom t-shirts and running shirts
    • Changing Hands Bookstore
    • Nobel Beast – great pet supply shop
    • Practical Art on Central – I’ve never been here but it looks interesting
    • Phoenix Art Museum
    • Write Ons – where I get all my greeting cards
    • Zia Records

    If you’re looking for a new place to eat, there are awesome restaurants that are accepting the Golden Coupon, including:

    • Duck and Decanter
    • Fez
    • Scramble
    • Sun Up Brewing
    • The Dhaba
    • The Refuge

    Some of you might be asking, “How does being a minimalist comport with Independents Week?” To me, being a minimalist means I try to only buy things that add value to my life. I still need to buy things. I think Independents Week is a great reason to pop into places you wouldn’t ordinarily visit to get to know them. (It’s important to me to spend my money locally when I can.) These places might have things that would add value to my life – now or in the future. There’s no pressure to buy anything this week, but if I do, I get a nice discount.

    If you do participate in the Local First Independents Week Golden Coupon program, you’re eligible to enter to win a staycation in Flagstaff. Why am I telling you that? Shop with the Golden Coupon but don’t enter the contest. You’ll be hurting my chances of winning.

    Happy Independents Week! Who’s in?