• Lessons from Grandpa Jim

    My grandfather died unexpectedly when I was two.  I have no memories of him.  It’s seems odd that some of the ideas that often run through my head are the lessons that he passed down through his children.

    Growing up, I simply accepted that I only had one grandparent on my father’s side of the family.  My grandfather was someone we rarely talked about, but I learned little bits about him over the years:  he was a Marine; he owned a ranch in Phoenix; and his favorite flavor of ice cream was vanilla.  I gathered that he was a fairly stoic man, and according to others, he would have been content to lead a boring life if it wasn’t for my grandmother.

    My grandfather was only fifty-seven when he died of a heart attack.  I think it was easier for my family not to talk about him because when they did, they had to relive the pain of losing him.  About ten years ago, I got curious and started asking questions like, “What was grandpa like?”  From that came an outpouring of stories about this man and the lessons he passed on to his children.

    1. Life is Choices. This is probably the simplest and the most profound statements I carry with me.  It is absolutely true that a person’s existence is made up of the choices they make – where to go to school, what profession to enter, who to marry, what to do in frightening situations, etc.  Who I am is what I do and what I do depends on the choices I make.  This even applies to what I think about and where I put my energy.  The best part of this lesson is the fact that in every situation, there is always a choice.  Neither option may be desirable, but there is a choice nonetheless.
    2. Finish Strong. I practiced this lesson this weekend during a 5K race.  By the last quarter mile, I was hot, tired, and wondering why I ever thought running was fun.  Regardless of all this, I still dug deep and finished with as much speed as my legs could produce.  I hear this lesson when I get senioritis with school being almost over and when the end of a project in on the horizon and every fiber of my being wants to slack off.  This is the lesson I draw upon when I have to take a deep breath, ignore all fatigue and distractions, and tackle the task at hand.

    When I think about the lessons from my grandfather, I feel like I am carrying part of him with me.  I literally carry a part of him with me too because I carry one of his handkerchiefs most of the time.  It’s comforting to think that I’m not going through the stress and challenge of law school alone, even on the days when I am completely isolated working on homework and projects.

    Photo courtesy of the Carter family.

  • Three Questions of Communication

    A few years ago I learned the best lesson for effective communication.  I don’t know who taught me this technique, but I am immensely grateful to them.  I learned that before I open my mouth, I have to ask three questions about what I want to say.

    1. Is it true?
    2. Is it necessary?
    3. Is it kind?

    If the answer to all three questions is “Yes,” then I can say it.  If not, I have to keep my mouth shut until I figure out a better way to phrase my thoughts.

    I had a job once where I often had to remind myself that it was inappropriate to tell people that they were morons.  Here’s how the questions tended to play out in my head:

    1. Is it true?  Yes!
    2. Is it necessary?  I think so.
    3. Is it kind?  <crickets>

    And back to the drawing board I went until I could find a kind way to say what I thought I needed to say.  This approach keeps me out of trouble, especially when I have strong opinions.  It keeps my mouth shut long enough for my brain to catch up with my emotions and determine the proper way to express my ideas.

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  • Best Birthday Present

    I have a birthday coming up this month.  I’ve never been one to make a big deal out of my birthday, but I do like to do something special to celebrate.  When it comes to presents, I tend to prefer experiences and adventures over physical stuff.  Possessions are, for the most part, tools.  When I ask for stuff it’s either something I need or something I’d like but I wouldn’t pay for myself.

    This past week I reflected back on my best birthday present ever.  It was the Saturday before I turned fifteen.    I had just gotten home from gymnastics practice.  My usual Saturday afternoon routine was to do my homework.  On that day, my parents had other plans.

    Mom:  Go put on jeans and a t-shirt.
    Me:  Why?
    Mom:  Just do it.

    It was a sunny California day and too hot for pants.  But I humored her and got changed.

    Mom:  Get in the car.
    Me:  Why?
    Mom:  Just do it.

    So now I was uncomfortably dressed and being kidnapped.  As we drove out of town, I was severely confused about what was going on.  I was very confused when we arrived at our little local airport.  We went into the airport’s main office and Mom went into the back office, leaving Dad and me in the lobby.

    Me:  What are we doing here?  Am I going skydiving?
    Dad:  No!  Your mother bought you a flying lesson.

    I spent the next hour learning the basics of flying a Cessna airplane.  It was an incredible feeling to have the controls in my hands.  I’ve had other unique adventures including bungee jumping, flying a helicopter, white water rafting, shooting M-16s, taking road trips, hot air ballooning,  and skydiving.  Some of the big adventures on my lifetime to-do list are going to Easter Island, doing a handstand on Antarctica, and completing the coast-to-coast hike across England.

    From all my adventures, I’ve learned that having possessions is nice, but the things that really matter are my experiences and the connections I have with other people.  I’m excited to see what the next year will bring.